Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize