I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
