He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
