a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize