i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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