I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
