I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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