Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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