Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize