Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
