oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
