the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
