So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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