I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize