if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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