Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
