So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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