my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
