Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
