He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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