i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
