I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
