So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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