We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
