You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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