when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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