It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
