I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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