the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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