you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
