We won't sleep together?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
