Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize