Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Vodka?
Forever.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
