Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
two words: eviction party
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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