I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
