i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
