if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
