is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
