im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
