im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
