So drunk its hurt
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
