I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
