That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
