There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
