I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
