nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
