Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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