So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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