I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
