i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
