a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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