I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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