The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
