Just fell off a train. Bad.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
