i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
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When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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