I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
