he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
