So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
