Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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