Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
