Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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